"Finesse and Faux Pas"

Finesse

Finesse is taking a game and turning it into a form of art. It is making the hardest shots look easy and getting great leaves as a result. By no means simple to master, finesse is one of the finest points about pool (as finesse is with everything else). It seems, however that women seem to grasp the idea much easier than do men. This is reportedly due to the overabundance of testosterone in their systems which makes them think that, by hitting the ball hard, they will somehow make a favorable impression on their opponent. Women, on the other hand, lacking the same levels of this poisonous substance in their system, are able to think their shots through logically, make much prettier shots and get better leaves.

(This lack of testosterone gives them a definite “edge” over their male counterparts.)

About Impairments

(the Faux Pas of Yahoo! Pool)

Chronically Impaired Individuals

Although usually at a disadvantage, chronically impaired individuals seem to do better at playing online pool than those who are otherwise considered “normal.” This is usually due to their reliance upon (and addiction to) caffeine.

The only exception to this rule is regarding those who choose not to drink caffeinated products. For these rare (and truly impaired people), there has yet to be found a cure. (However, the author understands that there have been grants awarded in excess of $2 billion for research and development towards finding an acceptable means to increase everyone's awareness to the true benefits of caffeine.)

Bootists

The “Bootists” (pronounced “bood-ists”, no offense to the true buddhists out there, consider it an "homage", lol) are an almost religious group of players who have their own set of psychological issues. These are the people who will leave their table as public, but then “boot” you out of the room as soon as you sit down.

Little do they realize that, if they would just ask, most of us would leave without comment or incident. When they come to realize the rudeness they exhibit, we all hope they, too, will find their own “Nirvana” by a change in their attitudes.

The Chasers

One of the worst kinds of people you may encounter are the “Chasers.” These are the people (again, usually men) who, after saying as little as "Hi!" or even "gg" to them), will hound someone every step of the way as they surf the web, play games, whatever they may do. These are the Cyber Stalkers. Unfortunately, there is no way to avoid them unless you are VERY selective about whom you talk to on the internet.

PLEASE NOTE: Research is currently being done into the viability of posting references and psychological history on all players' profiles. If this comes to pass, there may yet be hope for a truly pleasant time spent playing games while you are online.

(Don’t all we women wish this were true?)

The Prize Fighters

These individuals will viciously fight for the only "prize" they get from Yahoo!: their ratings. Unfortunately, these, too, have totally lost out on both the joy derived from friendly competition and the greater rewards found in camaraderie.

When you find yourself facing off against one of these people,

you will quickly see that they have no sense of sportsmanship or even common courtesy. Instead, they will be as cold as ice, seemingly immune to any attempts to have fun.

When this happens, do not allow yourself to make angry retorts because of their barbs, jabs and heckling (discourteous comments).

Remember: You can have fun in spite of them. Remain in control, and remind them that they are emotionally starved, and can still be saved from their path to self destruction, if they wish. Life for them can again be worth living.

Addicts (in general)

There is more than one kind of addict, and the ones we have been able to research and define are listed below. Before reading about them please remember: should you feel that any of these definitions describes you, there is hope.

The Pool Addicts

The only true impairment which adversely affects the game of Yahoo! online Pool for all participants is the “Pool Addict”. These are the individuals who find it necessary to play 2 or 3 (or more) games of pool simultaneously. This makes the game extremely less enjoyable for their opponents because of the time spent waiting between shots. The pool addicts seem not to care for the enjoyment of others. Instead, they seek only self fulfillment at the cost of others (as with any addiction). The only advice we can give is to

avoid these individuals at all costs.

If you are a person so afflicted, please seek appropriate counseling immediately, for your sake as well as ours!

To avoid the problems that come with playing these people, Yahoo! has an excellent device called the timer. Just make your own table and set the timer for 30-45 seconds. This way, when they are gone too long, you will be able to keep playing and beat them with a LOT of “ball in hand’s” (Pardon the faut-pas, but "Balls in Hand" sounded a little too... you know?).

Speed Freaks

"Speed Freaks" are another unusual type you are likely to see in the rooms at Yahoo! pool. These are the people who have such a lack of excitement in their lives that they need to "Speed-Play" their games. They will set the timer on their table for 2 seconds (or some other freakishly low number!) and expect to play an actual game.

These sad individuals win by being the one who makes the least mistakes rather than the most good shots. Of course, they will never be found playing a real game with a normal timer because they could never aim well enough to win.

“A/S/L?” Addicts

Among those considered “impaired” by professionals everywhere are the “A/S/L?” junkies. They are actually asking for your age, sex and location. All of this information is located on your profile if you wanted anyone to know. It is doubtful that any of them have described any facets of themselves on their own profiles, and it is obvious that they do not even know how to access the profile of others. Unfortunately, "a/s/l" is immediately followed by a request to perform some ungodly or otherwise unnatural act online.

A great way to answer the “A/S/L?” question is with the statement “X/L/M?”. It actually has no meaning, and when they ask what it means, tell them you will give them your ASL after they figure it out. (Of course, feel free to use your own fake letters.)

IM-ASSES

These are the people (usually men – sorry guys!) who will message you when you are playing a game. This is VERY rude, as it interrupts your game by forcing the IM message on top of your table. Please check to see if someone is playing a game before IM-ing or inviting someone to play. It is far better to just go “watch” the game and chat from there if you wish. (I found this out the hard way- by making an “IM-ass” out of myself! lol)

Other Rudeness and Weird Behavior

As far as I know, there are only two things that are done commonly which are considered rude by most players.

The Spammer

The Spammer sends massively long messages (usually advertisements) in the lobby which cause interruptions to the normal flow of things.

Please don’t do this.

Make those that do this feel unwelcome in our rooms.

UPDATE!

Yahoo! has made available a way to report different forms of misconduct (yes, this is for real!). you can do this by going to their pool room list web page and looking at the bottom for the "Comments" link. This will teleport you to the magical world of where something is done about these idiots.

Here is the link for you to use if you don't want to search for it there:

http://help.yahoo.com/l/us/yahoo/games/abuse.html

The "Forgettin"

This repugnant person is the player who, after playing a "Ladder Game" (seen as “lg” in the lobby), refuses to report it on their league site. When you find them and ask them why they do this, they will tell you they keep "forgettin". We all know they just don't like to lose (see the section on This really is obnoxious, and most league members feel someone who does this should be banned from the league. Please remember to report any lost league games as soon as possible.

If you know of other “faux pas” or rude behaviors not included, please email me and let me know. I will be glad to amend these rules to include them.